I was anxious, but I am very confident that I chose the right doctor, so I trusted her advice.
We were late, I asked Don to buy me a fruit cup from the hospital cafe and that was breakfast. I had some kind of stomach bug on Monday and Tuesday so that was one of the few things that I had been able to keep in my tummy. Fun times before getting the show started.
Because we were late they gave our room to the lady that was supposed to be induced after us and we had to wait.
We watched Good Morning America and took a bit of a nap in the family waiting area while a room became available for us.
Around 9 am a nurse came to get us. I got one of those plastic bags to place my belongings into and put on an awesome hospital gown.
I handed my birth plan to Willie, the RN in charge. Obviously, I told her that I understood the line where it said 'No Pitocin/ No Stadol' was obsolete since well, we were having an induction. We both laughed and we went through the other items in my birth plan. She said the fact that it was only a page was great and that they would do what they could to honor it.
She asked why I had asked to keep my placenta and I explained that I wanted to have it encapsulated and the benefits of doing so. One of the other nurses whose name I can't recall said that in the 27 years that she had been a nurse only about 10 people had asked for their placenta back. It was a pretty cool moment because having a birth plan allowed me to share a bit of what is important for me. Having a birth plan wasn't about having a perfect birth, for me it was about learning my options and empowering me as a woman.
Pitocin was started around 9:30 and soon after that I was checked. Went from a 3 to a 6, to a 10 and no epidural. I asked my husband what he thought, if I should even have one. I mean, plenty of women give birth without any pain killers. After what seemed forever, but I'm sure was a couple of minutes, I decided to get some help. The anesthesiologist gave me a mini spinal- he said that it was too late for an epidural, but that having the intrathecal would give me some relief. He said that the relief would last about 3 hours, but they didn't think it would take me that long anyhow.
I was really disappointed in myself. I kept apologizing to Donald for being weak, for not being able to do it, for giving up. He was so sweet and told me that I was strong and that I was doing great.
Fast forward about 35 to 40 minutes after the intrathecal and I'm in full blown pain again. I had a check and the Dr. said that I was at an 8 and that our son's face was up; there was also fear of a prolapsed umbilical cord.
There were lots of details in between that I truly believe if I had a different doctor, things would have been very different. From the instrument that she chose to break my waters to the way that she talked to me and told me to not give up even when things were looking dim.
I was in a lot of pain again and my progress seemed to be not only stalled, but I was regressing.
Dr. Van W tried to repositioned the baby to where he wasn't facing up and put me in the most awkward position, hips up in the air and I wasn't allowed to move, not even when having a contraction.
Did I mention I have a history of hip dysplasia? After 45 or so minutes, I was crying from the hip pain, I asked them to please put my legs down and call the doctor, I couldn't go on...
The anesthesiologist came back and offered to do an epidural, but explained that I had to be very still even when I was having those really terrible shake-inducing contractions. I told him that I would do my best. I made sure that he understood that it needed to be 'watered-down' so that I could still feel my hips and the positioning.
After I was asked to position myself into a ball (easier said than done with a big belly and full on contractions) I asked my husband to call my mother in law, who was at home watching Iker and read to me some reassurances that had been given to me at my blessing-way. She read them on speaker phone and they helped me to be calm enough to ride out the contractions as still as possible. Dr. Cohen inserted the epidural and I honestly thought that after it went in, things would move faster and we would get to meet our son soon.
I remember looking at the clock in between contractions and thinking that it was my worst enemy.
This is when things start to get blurry. I remember feeling the urge to push and telling the nurses that I needed to poop (keepin' it real!) and they kept telling me to not push.
Willie- the main RN was getting really overwhelmed because she had other patients and I had asked her to help me so many times and looked at her like cattle going to the slaughterhouse that I have no doubt she felt sorry for me and stayed with me longer that she should have.
Shift change took place and I met a new nurse, her name was Liz. Willie talked to Liz and gave her an update and reminded her about the birth plan. We talked (briefly) about my desire to hold my son as soon as he was born and to let the cord drain.
A little bit into the new shift (what time was it? 6 ish?) Dr. Van W came in to check and said that I was as ready as I could be, that if we didn't try to get baby out, there was a chance that the repositioning she had done earlier in the day wasn't going to work, the fear of the prolapsed cord was very real and she said that she was concerned that his shoulders would get stuck. Nonetheless, she told me to be strong and to not give up. I remember yelling at her and saying "Just take me to the OR, having a C section would be less traumatizing for the two of us!". Yep, I yelled that to my doctor, the same doctor that had been hearing from me that I hoped to avoid a C section like the plague.
After I yelled at her, I was in so much pain, I told her I couldn't keep going and she yelled back at me to focus and keep pushing.
She said that she was going to have to use forceps to get him out and that I needed an episiotomy. Those were no nos on my birth plan. I remember screaming NO! as I felt the painful grip of the forceps and the cut of her scissors. At this point the epidural had worn off and I felt everything, I remember looking down and seeing that my son was out, he whimpered and he was moved to the warmer table and greeted by a NICU team, I remember the face of one of those NICU people and thinking to myself 'C'mon dude! You see this all the time!.' His eyes were huge and he seemed really freaked out.
I remember Liz, the RN jumping on the bed on my right side telling me that I could do this.
I remember locking eyes with Donald as if to tell him that he was in charge of making sure that Kai was safe and conveying that responsibility to him.
I remember seeing Dr. Cohen again and not understanding why he was there.
I don't remember much after that.
Donald tells me that my blood pressure dropped. That at some point it was as low as 30/20 and they were about to call a code blue. He told me they pumped ephedrine into me more than once.
Oh! I do remember a really pretty nurse, blonde with gray eyes telling me that she was going to stick me as she put another IV into my right arm.
There was a crash cart in the room.
I remember waking up and telling them that my nipples hurt and the nurses were so confused that they laughed and gave me some cool towels to put on them. Nurse Liz told me that I scared her earlier and told me that I was looking better. When I came back to I asked about my placenta and they said that it was probably tossed during the whole commotion.
Dr. Van told Liz to go look for it right away, but it was too late.
It was never in my birth plan to experience the things that I experienced. But I'm sure glad that I did.
I had been concerned that I would not bond with my son, but I have no doubt that the pain endured served a higher purpose in my case.
I was released from the hospital 3 days after giving birth. I left with a beautiful and healthy baby boy, a numb useless left leg and a walker. Things are looking up and it seems that the nerve damage I suffered during labor due to the weight and positioning of my son may be reversible.
I am using a walker now around the house and trying to take it slow, at home physical therapy begins this week and I can't wait to be able to hold him while standing up (it's the little things!).
Kai Owen Mitchell was born at 7:54 pm on March 27, 2013. He weighed 9 lbs 7 oz and was 22 inches long.
Kai means ocean, I didn't know why that name came to me in a dream, but after giving birth to him it makes perfect sense.
Kai has already proven to be as peaceful and strong as the Ocean itself.
